Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
