I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
