Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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