I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
