The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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