Please, let me fuck your mom
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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