If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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