I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
