Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We were destined to go to rehab together
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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