First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
