Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
