If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize