P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
