My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
