The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
