Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize