Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
