he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
