Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
