I must be too annoying 4 u.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
