Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Two words: blizzard sex
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
