so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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