At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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