hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
