wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
