I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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