the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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