Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
