LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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