Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
