I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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