Only a mothe r could love this liver
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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