I need to stop coming to work sober
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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