Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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