this beer tastes like vomit already
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize