Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
