We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
