We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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