next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
