Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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