No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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