So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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