your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
