You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
