there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
is wine microwaveable?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
