im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
