All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
