2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
