How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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