i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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