Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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