I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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