If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize