so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
