wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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