Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
