porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
