I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
