It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
