Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize