i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
