spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
