Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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