She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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