I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
