when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
